Thursday, February 14, 2019

Your unfathomable splendor

you may find you no longer know where you wanted to go
or where you came from
or where you are...
no longer spinning with ideas
you skip out of the grooves of assumed knowing 
a delicious unknowing may embrace you
and you may forget why you wanted to count the stars
as the light flows through you
as you
you will forget why you wanted to hold the wind
as the wind flows through you
as you
you will not remember why you wanted to hold love
as love flows though you
as you



seared by sorrow
and joy
tears fell into their shadows
the river swallowed my footprints
wind erased my breath

there was nothing hiding
no secret to unravel
no mystery to unlock
it was all written with disappearing ink
this flowing manuscript of love
unsigned
unwritten
unheard
this music that sings me

pouring roaring rushing soaring
this magnificent undeniable aliveness
I find myself adrift on unseen currents
through the arteries and veins of love
the heartbeat of existence



jewels spin
without a center
radiance has no source
infinite facets mirror shards of light
reflections of reflections waltz 
endless sky echoes the song of vast uncharted seas
sliding into seas

I am the songster and the song
breathless 
wordless 
stunned with this unfathomable beauty

silence falls through silence
the hush swallows the hush
songs spill through me
cascading over me
like ever falling petals 
of midnight moon
anointing me with words
of wonder
I am nameless
and every name

lace of sky
woven with stars
and long waving trees
where is the footprint of infinity
who can hold this love
who would want to

seared by infinite suns
naked even of light
bathed in utter beauty
where no words can punctuate the dark
I sing







the journey ends when all paths collide
time dies when never and forever crash through each other
not even a mystery is left to unfold
no present to open
no secret to uncover
your face blossoms
with a wondrous unknowing
of no goal to reach
no place to rest
no one to land

the petals of your reflection
peel off as the walls dissolve
all is joy is love is awe
seamless brilliant liquidity
silent stillness sings
reverberates through all and everything
you can feel this, it seems just beyond your grasp...
and it is... you can never touch it or hold it
the reaching for it is it
the longing for it is it
you cannot leave or return to place-less-ness
it is hope of gaining this
and fear of not
that define you
I can hear you scratching at imaginary walls
I hear your weeping
and all I can see is unimaginable beauty

there are no prescriptions for awakening
or for life
life does itself
there is no right or wrong way to think
or feel or act or believe 
or live or love or die
...no chooser of these things
and no separate things from which to choose
life is all of a piece and has no edges
can you find an outside to what is going on?
is there really more...
other....
better.....
next?

what would you be if the path fell away?
where would you be if your feet dissolved?
what would happen if all that love you fear to feel truly deeply
eviscerated all ideas of permanency
...all feeling of solidity?
and your heart broke so deeply
that it was no longer yours?
who could claim love
who could hold the day
who could chain the seas

mountains slide into valleys
seas fall into skies
when the horizon unties itself
and you fall through the mirror
shards slice the sunset
reflecting your infinite beauty
as you discover there are no sides
nor middle
just a day dream flowing
a love song unfolding
singing your name
just like this



Seekers love teachers who prescribe methods and practices... that they should be a certain way or do certain things... it confirms their belief that they are flawed... and perpetuates the illusion of a individual separate from what’s going on... 

if that were challenged, that they are not broken and that there is no right or wrong way to think feel act believe, live or love or die....
That there is no one separate who can do or not do anything or nothing to get this... it might begin to rip the belief in the illusion that they are.... and what would they be without it?



I crashed through the mirror trying to kiss my reflection 
Every shard reflected the universe as it pierced my heart 
All sides collapsed into themselves 
Not even the middle was left 
Love untied and united what was never apart 
And I was just an imaginary dancer of wind and song 
My breath a foggy footprint in a sea of mists

I found there were no empty mirrors 
Just empty reflections 
Dancing in each other’s love light

Light reflecting light
Tears and tears and tears 
Echoes singing 
bathing in deep deep pools of wonder 
All and everything dissolved into seamless infinite beauty
Liquid love shimmers in its own reflection 
Waters 
Laughing



clouds swallow the moon
wind sweeps across the sands
twisted pines reaching 
reaching

your heart 
a vacant beach
longing for the marrow of love
you tossed all your dreams aside
but this
one quest
and you have found yourself 
following your own footsteps
hearing your own voice in the wilderness
calling your name

there are no signs up ahead
or behind...
betrayed by even the moon...
the stars have lost their familiar faces
strewn across the vastness
countless suns...

no one warned you
that there would be no prize at the end of the rainbow
that slid through you
erasing all color and light

and love
another shadow
lost in mirrored seas

you were burned in love's fire
drowned by sky
and spit out by the sea
you lie among seaweed and faded marigolds
sand heavy
twisted with ancient driftwood
gazing up
as the clouds slowly reveal
the moon 
once again
tossing endless seas
with vast clear light
you are simply reflections of wind's forgotten face
falling through itself



I am this river of desire 
Drowning in myself 
Currents whirl-pooling dancing 
Sunset’s reflection
Echoes in these songs 
This longing to share 
to sing
This music that cannot be heard 
Yet is always on...
Shimmering waves of wonder
Bathing 
breathing 
in and through love’s inner kiss
No secret to reveal 
Nothing can be said 
Or shared



All we are is the assumed knowing of what is going on 
When that is no longer believed
Well
Something indescribably delicious 
A wondrous unknowing 
Subsumes the dream


She listened for her name when the wind blew through the garden 
Looked for signs in the dark under piles of autumn leaves
Buried stones revealed in starlight
Bones of earth and sky 
Lush and rich Beyond measure
Words and symbols lost their meaning
As she watched her hands try to filter gold from the sunset
streaming through the leaves and their song 
She could find no distance between the magic she sought and that which was all around her and through her...
Her name was everywhere and nowhere
It was the sound of seeds sprouting in the dark
The sound of rain on the window
The song of wind
...the evening crow 
All words and no words sing this song of beauty 



No longer driven by the need to know, to capture the magic, the fluidity of life... Suspended as vast non spatial edgelessness and simultaneously living and loving as this magnificent passion play... a water color love song singing itself
Singing my name 
singing your name 
Painting all things 
beauty
love
Magic 



You thought you could hide 
In love’s shadow 
Deep in the dark 
Where shadows weave shadows 
Where light is a lover’s dream 
searching for your footsteps
You spiral slowly towards your reflection 
Longing to taste the sweetness of light 
Longing for that lovers kiss 
To penetrate the deepest untouched places 
Under your breast 

...you cannot hide from your own heartbeat 
This taste of earth 
This unending sky...
Swoops down and swallows you 
It is your own love 
That sings these words 
That pierces all that you considered holy 
That rips apart the rosary of time 
Such beauty in the falling petals
Gracefully kissing their reflection in the waters
submerging 
Merging 
Revealing your unfathomable splendor 

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Love weeps at its own beauty


and all that I had considered good and beautiful exploded into infinite tears and poured through all that I had believed to be repugnant and vile...
never and forever collided as time lost its fingerprints...
all that I had loved and hated about myself and others and the world was subsumed in endless reflections of awe
as I peered into the mirror it crashed through itself
sky fell through sky and there was no one watching


surround sound
heartbeat of existence
reverberates from the inside and out
dissolves all edges
this love symphony sings
I can no longer find my voice
of water flowing in water
wind soaring through wind
neither pushed nor pulled
light illuminates itself
through our liquid eyes


under these swirling mirrored skirts
there is no one dancing
there are no threads to unravel
beneath the warp and woof of time
tapestry unwinds to reveal tattered remnants
wisps of thought
memories
of love's reflection

echo'd glances weave the curtain
that cannot part
but becomes transparent
there is no outside to this passion play
this watercolor dream scape
flowing
this exquisite shimmering
that has no source
no things are real
there are no things
no things are false
catch the breeze in your empty hand
hold on tight
you know this fluid love song
that has no words
yet includes all words
feeling deeply this wind ballet
of one of two of many of none
there are no sides to the mirror
or middle
that you crashed through
when time dissolved into infinite beauty
you are this love song
it sings itself
like this


Joy and sorrow merge and love weeps at its own beauty



You may find yourself slipping
Losing your grip
All handholds lost
The very ground of being collapsing
Sliding down the arc of a rainbow
And up the other side
Catapulted into the vast unknown
Crashing through infinite shards of starlight
Shredding every tattered remnant of what you believed you were
And were not...

You find yourself suspended as nothingness
Soaring naked winged iridescence
Transparent brilliance all
And everywhere
A beautiful unknowing has swallowed the universe of things
All solidity vanished
There is no one who reached the end of the rainbow
All is treasure
Beyond belief or understanding
Or imagination

Yet you find yourself
Dancing in the world of things
The passion play continues
With no acting your part
Stripped of even a nakedness
That no one wears
Watercolor dream scape slides down the river
With no next
There is all subsuming ease
Ever new
Wonder abounds



I am this song
that sings me
there is no one wearing these words
or listening to this music
no one falling through the rhythms
and following the punctuation
consonants are my teeth and bones
vowels are my blood
beating my heart
breathing me
I do not hold them in my mouth
they flow through me
as me
wind
fills me
empties me
as I am the wind
I am love, the lover and the beloved

this kiss of life singing itself is all encompassing
it has no movement
no direction or place
nor beginning
nor end
yet exists only as the movement
and the imaginary intervals that create the melody
these imaginary spaces
between kisses
is where we live






how many words
how many worlds
infinite boundless emptiness
blooms and wilts
he kissed his reflection in the mirror
cold glass


Many teachers and speakers of enlightenment say that this is about accepting what’s going on or letting thought and emotion flow.
It’s quite obvious that this would empower the belief and feeling that there is a someone or thing that is separate from what’s going on and a someone or thing that is NOT thought and feeling.
But
That is exactly what most seekers want!
As they are looking for what they are and imagine and long to discover that they are a permanent unchanging thing 
(Awareness, consciousness, source, true or big self) 
That is not thought and feeling 
That has nothing to do with these unwanted thoughts and feelings 
That will never die...

Seekers throng to these teachers as these teachers never threaten who they are, which is the belief in separation.  They are the assumption of knowing...  of certitude.... of solidity....
If any belief begins to crumble the entire house of cards may fall, but it is not a sliding into an ease of non belief 
It is a ripping and shredding of all that you believe you are and are not, a toppling of all ideas of solidity, and it is not pleasant! It feels like dying... until it’s realized you never existed, that there is nothing under or wearing the persona, that there are no things to put together into some kind of place of rest or understanding... and no one to do so.  That there is no one having belief.  No reference points whatsoever.  

Enlightenment is an empty prize for no one.  






where is the marrow of love?
what is the song love sings?
stripped of flesh and blood and bones
simply empty reflections 
source-less
base-less
there is no one painting the colors in the stream
no one pointing at the moon
nor moon to point to
you are the light
and the reflection
colors bloom through your eyes

water streams through its own wetness
outside and inside are lost in love's caress
they never were 
iridescence remains
when the bubble pops
love has no center
you will not find it
on the garden path
it is the garden and the path and the looking for it
it is the wind and your heartbeat
and these very words that create the spell
the enchantment
that you are

etched with sky in sky
echos sing your name
plum blossoms falling
petals on the river



deep in the garden
that no one plants
or waters
no one wanders
or rests
or lays neath the swaying blossoms
dusted with moonlight

I was hiding under piles of autumn leaves
digging for sunlight
longing for a picture of wind
to blow me away
to breathe love into my heart
and songs in my lungs

I awoke one morning
pierced with super saturated brilliance
coming from everywhere
and no where
erasing all shadows
and imaginary lines between 
you 
and me
and love

love kissed me back into the garden
she was beating my heart
and breathing my lungs
and singing her song
through these lips
and this kiss
of midnight
moonlight
and sun

there is no space between the lips and the kiss
the breath and the song
yet this is where I live

Friday, February 1, 2019

Swallowing the Moon

trying to kiss my reflection in the stream
longing for some solidity
all was lost in the shimmering
the mountains behind me
could not be climbed
nor could I dance in the clouds
the lostness consumed me
kissed me from the inside and out
like I had never been kissed before
subsumed all confusion
and non confusion
all knowing
and not knowing
all meaning
and non meaning
all this
all that
even love
and its kiss


moon
a deathless song of reflections
echoes shimmer
lighting a ghostly path to nowhere
illuminating your feet
love reveals your naked longing
and fear
of the end of tomorrow
and the end of hope

tears
the water of life
love drowns in its own beauty
words upon words upon words upon words
wet in wet in wet in wet
skimming the surface of names
rippling shine and shadow
life dances
like this
between life and death
love answers its own echo
and you hear your own voice
singing your name


bonfire of solitude
rips off the tattered remnants of hope and fear
love simply a name for what has no name
or number
under the waterfall of tears
there is no one wearing this naked wonder
these splendiforus clothes
of light and shadow
and colors
soaring

there is no heart to be bound or free
cannot you see the sparrow
and feel this tender beauty?
cannot you see the sky
and feel this endless vastness?
are you not these feelings?
that truly cannot be held
like a wild mist dancing
and fading
in the early morning light
love has kissed you deeply
and you are her morning song



She was the longing to not feel separate from the wind dancing in the tree tops
And found she was not separate from them
Yet required imaginary lines to sing of them



Wind has no hands
No strings
No words to capture itself
Only in its flowing
Does it exist

Thought stream has no hands
No outside
Or inside
No distance
To erase
It creates all things
And their absence
Wind folds into itself

Singing of wind
We are it’s story
Singing of love
We are love’s story
Tears and your heart
Are handholds in the wind
That has no place
Or emptiness

Simply this breath
These words
That name themselves
This love
That finds itself
Through your eyes
A story book character
Dances in the wind
And is the wind
Dancing



Under closed shutters
Thin thread of morning
Circles the cricket song
The heart holds no secrets
It’s only words that fail
Chambered nautilus unravels
It’s iridescence
Reflecting your beauty
Your heart has always been broken
No strings can play your heart-song
Overtones reverberate
Deeply deeply
You can hear your own voice
You are it’s echo
Swallowing the moon



Images fall through images fall through images fall through images
traceries in the dream seem to coalesce and then dissipate
infinite particles create waves
flowing
words are lightening
severing the world into things
Into the hand of god painting you
Painting him



shadows slide through shadows
light flows through light
cast away words hover on the brink of loneliness
where ropes are frayed
and clouds are tattered
and ocean spray saturates your sunset
with rainbows and forgotten dreams

I am memories
I hear my sonorous voice
sing of endless seas...
and the end of time
footless I wander on the beaches of this shore-less ocean
this home I never left
where no one returned

seaweed tangled in my hair
nakedly loving this dance
this ballet of light and shadow
breathless I waltz
like these windy seas
tossed into moonbeams
folded into sensuous lost-ness
never a light to find
never any darkness to lose
super saturated with brilliance
wind dances with wind
sweeps my heart across the dance floor
like this
my fingers slide across the keyboard
singing my morning song
as it sings me into the morning


Cast adrift as starlight’s song
Words are fire
Ancient and new
Creating you 
Erasing you 
This puzzle box has no key 
No entrance 
No exit
It unravels as it does 
When it’s realized there are no things to untangle 
No goal to reach
No one striving to capture this magic 
This wondrous unknowable life 
Dances itself 
Tree tops in the wind 
One leaf falls 
Golden evening sun
The river flows







Friday, January 25, 2019

Liquid Eyes


Dear Reader,

why sky why rain why tears
why do I love
that I cannot know what love is?

your heart was never yours 
there are no hands to hold it 
love has no measurement
it erases imaginary edges 
and has no center
it has no outside 
nor inside 
nothing moves it or tethers it or creates it

it lives and breathes
as everything and nothing
as love and hate
as joy and sorrow
as life and death
this undeniable love
it is not oneness or wholeness
or every-thingness or no-thingness
it has no color yet is all color
it contains nothing
and looks and feels like anything at all love is an echo-land dreamscape
of one of two of many of none
you can hear its chorus
reflecting the song of your aliveness
I can only see myself in your beautiful mirrored garment

love's nakedness dances
and we emerge in the spinning

Sharing the sunrise
Worlds apart
Knowing we can never touch
Lost in each other’s flowing colors...
all this and that is simply an enchanting illusion this brilliant immediacy
utterly obvious
naturally present
vast clear radiant
has no edges nor split nor division anywhere
only in this flowing description
rainbow painting on the river

whirlpools and eddies and waves surging and dissolving longing to greet the ocean
there seems to be a story
and a story teller
but we are sumptuous fairy tales
shadows in the dark
light twirling in light
a wind ballet in wind
wet in wet the water kisses itself
like this pearly iridescent shell...
the vastness calls you from the deep
calls you home
the home you never left


 wind sings of love and love lost 
and beauty pours from your eyes or 
are they mine?
we are this broken hearted beauty 
as real as tomorrow
gilded with sunlight

your filigreed steps
never lingered on the flowing meadow
you found yourself soaring
heart wider than endless sky
the dream of the emptiness of ancient starless nights
 and the fullness of endless kisses
rinsed with eons of tears

swallows dive and swirl
a young girl picks flowers
longing to braid golden sunshine into her hair and dance as the wind
and I remember
rain eases in the morning
diamonds drip from the grasses bowing chorus of finches gathers at the feeder 
I find a small yellow dead body
she could not fly through the window
 nor could I

first traffic
tires on the wet road
all the world is spinning
and I, spun of these very thoughts these very words paint me
as I type them


 hands on my computer
sending messages in a bottle
where someone built a ship long ago and tried to sail away
no one was contained
no one was set free
it was only echoes in the glass

I fell through my reflection
as life poured me out
and in
no one remained to run naked through the grass 
I am this morning song

I drink deeply this wondrous day as day consumes me
softness of wet in wet
slippery sliding through the day
a love poem cannot read itself 
trails of tears cannot lead or follow 
ancient and new these words
that reflect this seamless beauty 

I am a silhouette of mirrors there is no ground
or place to rest
nothing to gather nothing to grow or wither simply sky in sky
colors
dancing


 looking out
looking in
space flows through itself through these liquid eyes
last breath of sun
hovers
waves in the lanterned grasses arrays itself in golden cloud flowers 
slips over the canyon rim
a hush gathers the darkness
 blooming
moonlight
softly softly
nestles under the trees
pools on the garden path
where the wind has forgotten to sing and no one wanders
or awaits the morning
beneath the piles of autumn leaves day sleeps

during the rain she sleeps 
dreaming of rain

billowing in the wind
pushed and pulled from the inside and out sky is filled with tree tops dancing
shine and shadow of leaves shimmering
stories of emptiness
of nakedness, wild and free 
of no one left to be free


 stories of fullness
of mirrored skirts twirling calliopes and carousels
of kissing on the terrace of songs
of weeping on the shore where you waited for the sunrise of broken bent trees bedecked with stars
broken hearts and shattered dreams
and eagles soaring across the canyon
all love stories in the wind
read by no one
heard by everyone

a robin song echoes down the canyon of dancing shadows 
wind sends the scent of mountain pines and rain
memory slides and waves to itself
gathering moonbeams to dance with the light of this daytime dreamtime
where we dance on windswept sands
where we only seem to touch...
it is always only wind dancing
with wind

in this dream of dancing shadows flowing into and through each other 
the kiss of madness
the kiss of fools
the kiss of lovers
the kiss of joy and sorrow
life kisses itself
through these lips
this breath
this song of our aliveness sounds like a love song to me


 trees reach down into earth and stone bleed into leaves and sky
the earth swallows me
as vast sky consumes me
wind and water and and fire adorn this sensuous liquid dance this love ballet
of slow moving tsunamis
a waltz of light and shadow
of sound and silence
skin eyes teeth bone blood
the heart the marrow of my existence
a love dance super saturated with awe 
this stillness that sings through these lines that paints my echo into the canyon where we meet
yet can never touch

I can see your beautiful shimmering
I can hear your sonorous voice singing
the imaginary lines that seem to confine us seem to separate us
the space in between us is imaginary
let us dance in love as love though love this life this life this life
this is the only life we can ever know
there is no boundary
or center
to this love dance
magically appearing and dissolving there is no time
no words to contain it yet love
seems to work just fine

Love, 
Nancy


Sky Deep In Love


When alone
I weep at the beauty 
In tears
I weep at the beauty 
In love 
I weep at the beauty