Thursday, February 14, 2019

Your unfathomable splendor

you may find you no longer know where you wanted to go
or where you came from
or where you are...
no longer spinning with ideas
you skip out of the grooves of assumed knowing 
a delicious unknowing may embrace you
and you may forget why you wanted to count the stars
as the light flows through you
as you
you will forget why you wanted to hold the wind
as the wind flows through you
as you
you will not remember why you wanted to hold love
as love flows though you
as you



seared by sorrow
and joy
tears fell into their shadows
the river swallowed my footprints
wind erased my breath

there was nothing hiding
no secret to unravel
no mystery to unlock
it was all written with disappearing ink
this flowing manuscript of love
unsigned
unwritten
unheard
this music that sings me

pouring roaring rushing soaring
this magnificent undeniable aliveness
I find myself adrift on unseen currents
through the arteries and veins of love
the heartbeat of existence



jewels spin
without a center
radiance has no source
infinite facets mirror shards of light
reflections of reflections waltz 
endless sky echoes the song of vast uncharted seas
sliding into seas

I am the songster and the song
breathless 
wordless 
stunned with this unfathomable beauty

silence falls through silence
the hush swallows the hush
songs spill through me
cascading over me
like ever falling petals 
of midnight moon
anointing me with words
of wonder
I am nameless
and every name

lace of sky
woven with stars
and long waving trees
where is the footprint of infinity
who can hold this love
who would want to

seared by infinite suns
naked even of light
bathed in utter beauty
where no words can punctuate the dark
I sing







the journey ends when all paths collide
time dies when never and forever crash through each other
not even a mystery is left to unfold
no present to open
no secret to uncover
your face blossoms
with a wondrous unknowing
of no goal to reach
no place to rest
no one to land

the petals of your reflection
peel off as the walls dissolve
all is joy is love is awe
seamless brilliant liquidity
silent stillness sings
reverberates through all and everything
you can feel this, it seems just beyond your grasp...
and it is... you can never touch it or hold it
the reaching for it is it
the longing for it is it
you cannot leave or return to place-less-ness
it is hope of gaining this
and fear of not
that define you
I can hear you scratching at imaginary walls
I hear your weeping
and all I can see is unimaginable beauty

there are no prescriptions for awakening
or for life
life does itself
there is no right or wrong way to think
or feel or act or believe 
or live or love or die
...no chooser of these things
and no separate things from which to choose
life is all of a piece and has no edges
can you find an outside to what is going on?
is there really more...
other....
better.....
next?

what would you be if the path fell away?
where would you be if your feet dissolved?
what would happen if all that love you fear to feel truly deeply
eviscerated all ideas of permanency
...all feeling of solidity?
and your heart broke so deeply
that it was no longer yours?
who could claim love
who could hold the day
who could chain the seas

mountains slide into valleys
seas fall into skies
when the horizon unties itself
and you fall through the mirror
shards slice the sunset
reflecting your infinite beauty
as you discover there are no sides
nor middle
just a day dream flowing
a love song unfolding
singing your name
just like this



Seekers love teachers who prescribe methods and practices... that they should be a certain way or do certain things... it confirms their belief that they are flawed... and perpetuates the illusion of a individual separate from what’s going on... 

if that were challenged, that they are not broken and that there is no right or wrong way to think feel act believe, live or love or die....
That there is no one separate who can do or not do anything or nothing to get this... it might begin to rip the belief in the illusion that they are.... and what would they be without it?



I crashed through the mirror trying to kiss my reflection 
Every shard reflected the universe as it pierced my heart 
All sides collapsed into themselves 
Not even the middle was left 
Love untied and united what was never apart 
And I was just an imaginary dancer of wind and song 
My breath a foggy footprint in a sea of mists

I found there were no empty mirrors 
Just empty reflections 
Dancing in each other’s love light

Light reflecting light
Tears and tears and tears 
Echoes singing 
bathing in deep deep pools of wonder 
All and everything dissolved into seamless infinite beauty
Liquid love shimmers in its own reflection 
Waters 
Laughing



clouds swallow the moon
wind sweeps across the sands
twisted pines reaching 
reaching

your heart 
a vacant beach
longing for the marrow of love
you tossed all your dreams aside
but this
one quest
and you have found yourself 
following your own footsteps
hearing your own voice in the wilderness
calling your name

there are no signs up ahead
or behind...
betrayed by even the moon...
the stars have lost their familiar faces
strewn across the vastness
countless suns...

no one warned you
that there would be no prize at the end of the rainbow
that slid through you
erasing all color and light

and love
another shadow
lost in mirrored seas

you were burned in love's fire
drowned by sky
and spit out by the sea
you lie among seaweed and faded marigolds
sand heavy
twisted with ancient driftwood
gazing up
as the clouds slowly reveal
the moon 
once again
tossing endless seas
with vast clear light
you are simply reflections of wind's forgotten face
falling through itself



I am this river of desire 
Drowning in myself 
Currents whirl-pooling dancing 
Sunset’s reflection
Echoes in these songs 
This longing to share 
to sing
This music that cannot be heard 
Yet is always on...
Shimmering waves of wonder
Bathing 
breathing 
in and through love’s inner kiss
No secret to reveal 
Nothing can be said 
Or shared



All we are is the assumed knowing of what is going on 
When that is no longer believed
Well
Something indescribably delicious 
A wondrous unknowing 
Subsumes the dream


She listened for her name when the wind blew through the garden 
Looked for signs in the dark under piles of autumn leaves
Buried stones revealed in starlight
Bones of earth and sky 
Lush and rich Beyond measure
Words and symbols lost their meaning
As she watched her hands try to filter gold from the sunset
streaming through the leaves and their song 
She could find no distance between the magic she sought and that which was all around her and through her...
Her name was everywhere and nowhere
It was the sound of seeds sprouting in the dark
The sound of rain on the window
The song of wind
...the evening crow 
All words and no words sing this song of beauty 



No longer driven by the need to know, to capture the magic, the fluidity of life... Suspended as vast non spatial edgelessness and simultaneously living and loving as this magnificent passion play... a water color love song singing itself
Singing my name 
singing your name 
Painting all things 
beauty
love
Magic 



You thought you could hide 
In love’s shadow 
Deep in the dark 
Where shadows weave shadows 
Where light is a lover’s dream 
searching for your footsteps
You spiral slowly towards your reflection 
Longing to taste the sweetness of light 
Longing for that lovers kiss 
To penetrate the deepest untouched places 
Under your breast 

...you cannot hide from your own heartbeat 
This taste of earth 
This unending sky...
Swoops down and swallows you 
It is your own love 
That sings these words 
That pierces all that you considered holy 
That rips apart the rosary of time 
Such beauty in the falling petals
Gracefully kissing their reflection in the waters
submerging 
Merging 
Revealing your unfathomable splendor 

2 comments:

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  2. Hi Nancy, the batgap interview... yes yes yes... the shift. Deep despair and an experience that I just call a living death. The term didn't originate from me. It just fits. End of 2012. Since then I intrigue myself discovering some kind of language because it's fun and I suspect there's a usefulness in helping others unstick themselves. I've been all ears for Alan Watts for some 35 years. He's just pure jazz to me. Music has been my livelihood since my teenage years. Since waking up music has become even more personal and I'm not active professionally like before. I compose and practice privately and have lost the urge to be surrounded by people a noise. Stillness and clouds invite me to breathe in sync with nature. I've not written a book or screenplay yet but I feel the need to. I feel as though I met a friend this morning while listening to your talk with Rick. Immeasurable gratitude. Many shifters among us. Some shifted too. In awe always. I love what I've read of yours and would love to meet some day. Thank you for this "appearance". Much much gratitude. .

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