I am a transparent swirling rainbow fabric woven of everyone’s stories. This is the story of me... no one wears this beautiful love song... I truly do not exist without you
I love you
I am you
who was it who hid by the garden wall
trying to reach through the shadow of winter
aching to erase her longing
for spring?
I was the grasping for sky
when sky was all around me
my hands my heart could find nothing to hold
or pour into love's empty shadow
echoes have no substance
other than echos
leaf stain on the sidewalk
my footsteps leave no print
this wondrous love has slain me
and it seems I am always weeping
sometimes people notice the tears
and think I'm sad...
what is sorrow and joy and awe and love
winged ballet of sky and sea
merging flowing into and through each other
a thousand galaxies
uncountable pinpoints of light
dance in my heart when I look in your eyes
I am all our feelings
all our love songs
written with blood and tears
strewn across the universe
living laughing loving dying.....
Starlight falls
Streams through these windows
That were broken long ago
My eyes birthed the stars
And gave them paths to follow
Left willow rings around their trails
I wrote their names again and again
They moved into homes
Leaving me at their doorstep
Longing to dance
I called them every night
My only answer
Was my own echo
Softly softly
Falling through me
One night, right before dawn
They broke into infinite pieces
It was my heart breaking
Shards in my mouth
In my blood
In my bones
I cannot be spliced together
There are no more pieces
Of nothing
Of everything
Nobody can tell you
What you cannot know
But have always known
Deeply
Hope makes a door
That fear blocks
Love cannot be gained or lost
There is no one to hold it
As she walked
Her golden earrings spun
Fallen petals caught in a spider web
Woven into last summers grasses
Wind spins fall into winter
I am moonlit tides of echoes blooming
And receding
Waves of all lover’s songs
Everyone is a lover
We are love’s song
Falling through its own reflection
after the belief in separation fell away, the feeling of separation vanished. It is known always without a doubt that there are no separate selves with personal volition who choose thought feeling belief or action. All selves, including me, are a swirling of flowing self referential thoughts and memories, holograms... illusion.
All life spontaneously appears, all by itself. The notion that there is a source of any kind (no god nor even void or emptiness as some seem to suggest) does not exist.
Time is another illusion. Can you find the beginning and end to a moment? Are there separate moments? Are there separate events? What would mark the beginning of an event like my teacup falling on the floor and breaking? Would it be the dog’s tail pushing it off? Would it be the day I bought the teacup? Would it be the day I began to drink tea? Perhaps I could blame my mother for buying me a dog when I was a kid! As you can see there is no one source... I think the slipperiness of this is unsettling to most and so they love the idea that there is a mega cause or doer or god.
Notice how this commentary paints the movie picture of a cup falling, floor, table and dog. All words seem to create these things. Anything said about the dream, every word I say in this letter about the dream of objectified separation paints the dream.
The last point brought up by Angel is something I noticed decades ago when I read Dostoyevsky. He was also the belief that only fear of god’s retribution would create moral action. However, although I was the belief in separation, this never made sense to me. As a species we have survived because helping others, and forming community is an evolutionary advantage and is part of our brains. Notice how a man will dive into a rushing river to save a stranger. I don’t think he thought about it first... ‘oh god will punish me if I don’t do this’.
Here it is seen that all thought feeling and action arises all by itself. Naturally.
Some may use the word god instead of wholeness or oneness or unicity. There is no word to describe that which is not a that... as there are no that’s...
I would say there is no unifying thing or substance, no thing that glues all things together, as all thingness is made up. There is not one big thing that can be split apart.
All edges, all separation is mentally fabricated. The mind or thought stream seems to create all this and that, and time and dimension, all separate events and causality.
All measurement, all division is made up. When imaginary separation is believed in by the brain that creates it, then there is the feeling that there are separate things events and selves.
The swirling thought stream appears to have a center that feels solid! When the intuition that there may not be anything solid or stable or fixed starts to arise the brain searches for something, another concept like soul or consciousness or awareness or true self or god to fill in the looming emptiness.
When there is belief in the self then there is also fear of death. Again looking for something solid that will not die, these concepts can be comforting beliefs.
But all belief in imaginary things is never quite believed, and are accompanied by hope and fear. So the person seeks out those with similar beliefs, trying to ward off the fear.
I would say that the physical world exists yet all the qualities you suggest it has inherently and are the obvious qualities of god, are shared learned concepts arising in that thing you call your brain. Man creates the laws of nature describing what he observes. Intelligence and orderliness are qualities that are beautiful description. Some say to me that life is energy and seem to believe that they have understood life. I say, what is energy?, and more description unfolds. Most mistake description for understanding. I would say there are no things that can be glued together into some kind of place of rest or understanding, and no one to do so. Understanding is a misunderstanding.
This beautiful immense intelligence you recognize comes from your brain. You are the portal where love and beauty enter the universe. You are the light of the world.
Science is a lovely description of the physical world. But to say that nothing is random or accidental relies on the belief in thingness of things and events and time. I would not say that life happens as it is written, or as it it supposed to happen, I just say life happens just as it happens, of itself so.
I do not reject science! Indeed I believe in evolution and enjoy the benefits of medicine. It is simply that all description is seen as simply that... description.
I would say that there is no meaning or non meaning, no purpose or non purpose. Life does itself and all these qualities are templates, like good and bad, that are imposed on life, and are simply shared learned concepts. I often hear the story that god split himself up so that he could find himself again. That seems like a nice fairytale, and horrible for seekers who are in a lot of pain when they feel that they are not fulfilling their, or god’s purpose!
Yes, the seeker is the seeking, the grasping, the searching for an intuited wholeness. All trying to grasp these concepts perpetuates the feeling of a grasper. We evolved as all creatures to seek food and procreation and conditions that will keep the organism and species alive. But humans are the only creatures to seek imaginary things like happiness and love.
Feeling like a separate lonely individual feels wrong! For some this feeling is so painful, after trying physical means to fill that emptiness they fear they will turn to religion and spirituality.
For that looming feeling of emptiness is the intuition that there is no solidity, no handholds, that all reference points are imaginary. This brought to the forefront could make a person mad. Yet it is the case. As an imaginary persona you are alone. And ultimately, knowing all thingness is made up, knowing you exist as this swirling thought dream which allows the awareness of aliveness, the awareness of being aware, you are sublimely alone.
When there is the belief in separation, it makes perfect sence that if there is thought there is a thinker. If there is feeling there must be a feeler. When there is action there must be an actor. And if this magnificence of life... there must be a conductor, purpose and meaning.
There is nothing wrong or right with these beliefs. Indeed there is no right or wrong way to feel or think or live or love or die.
All of life happens all by itself
Looking and feeling like anything at all.
As humans we get to feel the entire range of human emotion. Unutterable joy and heart wrenching sorrow and despair.
There is not something inside of us which feels so deeply.
It is us.
wind free dawn
sunlight spills down the canyon walls
where did the darkness go?
I heard the storm long before it came
no one can say what will break the sky
into infinite shards of blue
I was the waiting for lightening...
the longing to be washed away
the smell of desert rain
was my only sustenance
as endless blue drank me
and left an echo on the edge of the canyon
twirling with her reflection on the other side
As conceptual beings our entire known world is composed of shared learned words beliefs and concepts
And trying to rearrange them will not lead to the shift in which this entire world is no longer believed, including the belief in a believer. All concepts are blown apart, all ideas of right and wrong, ideas of meaning and non-meaning, ideas of truth or that there is anything even a ground of being which is unchanging. It’s is known always that there are no things to be changing or permanent.
Quite simply there is no true nature, because there is no one to have one.
The search for something solid and stable and fixed is based on the fear of our own non existence
There are many teachers who will say they have found this thing called true nature or source or God, but it is just another concept or philosophy to fill-in the huge emptiness that the seeker knows is the case but does not wish to discover.
So staying with a teacher who recommends a method the seeker is safe.
No one knows what puts a chink in the wall, the armor of assumed knowing, but it is not about rearranging the perceived separate parts of knowing into another all inclusive concept called understanding.
Awakening is not something that someone gets, it does not happen to the person in fact it has nothing to do with you.
Before the shift I never believed that there was a God or some force, intelligent or otherwise, that made life happen it felt at times like I was doing life and at other times that life was happening to a me. Now it always feels that life is doing it self.
I find often that people use quotes to support beliefs about something they have never experienced, and to solidify their beliefs with consensus
belief in god, an imaginary entity which creates beauty and intelligence in the universe simply detracts from the beauty and magnificence of you.
When beliefs are threatened the self feels under attack as self is beliefs.
Although an imaginary lens
My eyes paint the world
Beautifully
Knowing it is imaginary feels like love
Without belief, without imaginary lines
Ideas that frame the self, it might be glimpsed that there are no actual lines around an imaginary persona....
It’s terrifying!
Any breach in the wall of assumed knowing is quickly repaired with more belief...
Shared learned words and concepts weave together creating a fabric of belief that is mistaken for reality which prevents light and love from caressing and flowing through you... from inside from outside from all sides until there are none... just imaginary footprints made with sand in sand blowing away as soon as they seem to magically appear
what lies under these words?
where is the heart of the poem?
words cannot veil the sky
sky is a word
like blue
like love
flowing description painting our world
spinning this dream
and an imaginary center
consonants scatter like stones on the surface of a pond
chattering finches hidden in the roses
flashes of yellow through the leaves
punctuate the dream with the illusion of solidity
vowels sound themselves
echo in my mouth
run out to greet their reflection...
we share these words
we share this love
this is our dance
of wind with wind
there is not even nothing under the words
under this thought dream
the feeling that there has got to be something more
is the intuition
that all things
and you
are made up
I am an echo
of wind
stirring silent leaves
hanging on a breath
waiting for the kiss
of morning
how I wandered the desert dream
following a ricochet of starlight
longing for moon
I howled and heard no answer
only the tears
of everyone
of no one
all is dark
all is light
crumpling the pages
of all you have read
burning an effigy of yourself
your fingers seared by starlight
will not erase the feeling of separation
as you are not the starter of fire
your pyre awaits
I can smell the ashes
of moon
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