Hole in my chest

I try to carve a window in my chest 

So when you look inside 

You don’t see a heart shaped mirror

You see only your unutterable beauty

Love’s softness
Has no edges
It ripped through me
Sucked me through its searing teeth of light
Gnawed on the sweetness
In the marrow of my being
Burned all ideas of something sacred
Something just
Something true
Some place safe
Some thing called love

Sorrow has no edges
My cries
Cut the moon into pieces
Falling through my echo
I watched my sunset
Ask me to dance

How big was my shadow
When I waltzed with myself?
Reflections of reflections on the canyon walls
Twirling twisting bending stretching
Ebbing and flowing
Within my own embrace
A pirouette of wind erased my footprints
As we touched the evening
Of warm desert sands

Sorrow has no end
Nor love
Joy another word for nothing
But this
Evening song in the hollow of moon


no one goes anywhere
or no where
its just reflections shimmering
on this lake of flight
memory kisses itself
creating an imaginary island of solidity
but there is no one sailing this boat
no wings or sails to unfurl
and catch the sunset
no wheel spins...
no anchor to fall into the fathomless depths
and find no ground to land on





just this yellow mug
steam curling like hands combing through and cradling space
morning streams over the canyon ridge
kisses the tall pines
and the finches gathering at the feeder
poems are my love songs
skipping stones across the sea
I am in love with the ripples

there are no true words
true a word like pure
hanging moonlight on a pine tree
words are ladders to the stars
stars are words
small suns
light, a word
words create the darkness
and a person who wants to climb out of it

all words have been spoken
countless mouths have moved like mine
my lips kiss the sun and moon
my heart swallows the sky
love is a word that fills the world
pouring letters through the gap in your door
left unanswered on the floor of your heart
oh! the stamps are so beautiful
they smell like lightening in the dark
they sound like a symphony
that no one wrote
they feel like sounds
boomeranging through this emptiness
a love dance
awaits



sound has no outline or inline
two hands ripple over the lake
weaving a cats cradle
of a song in motion
pouring light into a cup
you long to drink but the
glass shatters...
how could it hurt so much when
it was only water
reflecting your face

space itself seems to break apart
but it was only a love song
that forgot to mention your name




love crocheted tiny buds under my skin
pinpricks like stars in the night
waiting to explode
to bloom

the fully flowering of joy
requires deep deep sorrow
colors dance only in me
tears have no label

what is this wetness
that watered the buds
where was the light
they ran to meet
joyously

dark and light kissed
and disappeared
into immeasurable blankness

and the stars reappeared
as reflections in your eyes
and I saw myself dancing

you and me
light and dark
this magic is love
is rainbows twirling
on the tip of your tongue



the blending of silence
leaves in the morning wind
first robin

no birds
no wind
no morning
not even nothing under these words

poems written with sounds
I feel them resonate in the chambers of my heart
vibrate my tongue and teeth and lips
a nautilus unfolds
daffodils blossom

many autumns ago the bulbs were planted
but I fell off the timeline
between earth and sky

a thousand suns explode
a million schools of fish dart and turn
the world races
to the sound of your voice

catapulting dreams across the sky
incised by rainbows
colors melt into endless blue
every shard of hope for other dashed
pelted into infinity

there is nothing eternal
no things to change
not one atom of water is its wetness
wet a word
that is not wet



I am a flowing poem
a love song caressing the universe into being



without my imaginary lines, what am I? where am I? as beliefs began to be ripped apart, I noticed I lost my fear of others and began to feel that we were not separate....
when beliefs are no longer believed, the self does not disappear,

when the belief in separation is no longer believed, its realized that there never was a mountain, nor a you nor a me nor love
yet.... here we are walking along the mountain paths,,,, in love as love though love



Trying to understand emptiness
Substantiates the belief that it is a thing
And that you are a thing separate from it and all other things



everyone's voice
everyone's fire ascending
cascading into this river of song
endless hands cupping the water
remarking at the light
wetness seems to hold

dreams unfold dreams
what peels away the paint of this passion play
what unravels the letters of these words
these missives tossed into the waters
what dissolves these moving pictures?
how deep is sky?
how wide this love?


I am a fire in the house of love



I am your heart song
and you are mine


I sing these words so that I may lie inside of you
and feel your softness
dance
a bud a flower a song...
roots reach through the soles of your feet
flourish in the fathomless depths of unknowing
branches extend through your fingertips into sky
sky reaches down and swallows you
petals flutter in your heart
waiting for the sun
to rip you naked
I love your beautiful clothes
that no one is wearing


on trembling paper wings
breath of sunlight flows
sigh of morning
gently gently
opens my eyes
kisses my heart
under the green canopy
of spring laced sky

heartbeats echo through this empty shell
of translucent memories
fingertips cannot draw themselves
or erase the clouds

there is nothing inside or outside this illusion
of tears
weeping for no one
weeping for everyone
I have never been anything
or nothing
unending awe seems to describe a circle
that has no end
or beginning
nor center
it spins and subsumes all in its embrace
it does not come from me
but encircles an idea of a me
and without your spinning
there is no dance



Love’s softness
Has no edges
It ripped through me
Sucked me through its searing teeth of light
Gnawed on the sweetness
In the marrow of my being
Burned all ideas of something sacred
Something just
Something true
Some place safe
Some thing called love

Sorrow has no edges
My cries
Cut the moon into pieces
Falling through my echo
I watched my sunset
Ask me to dance

How big was my shadow
When I waltzed with myself?
Reflections of reflections on the canyon walls
Twirling twisting bending stretching
Ebbing and flowing
Within my own embrace
A pirouette of wind erased my footprints
As we touched the evening
Of warm desert sands

Sorrow has no end
Nor love
Joy another word for nothing
But this
Evening song in the hollow of moon


I bathe in after images of robin song
I am rippling photographs of echoes
Blooming
Fading
Plum blossoms fall through me
Words paint light and dark
And a lone figure walking down the sidewalk
Kicking through plies of old leaves
In love with the day
Swooning through my shadow
Gentle piercing awe of the streaming dream that sings me

Words seem to create imaginary separation.
When the thought stream is no longer believed, the imaginary veil between you and the symphony of perception, the amazing sensorial display seems to disappear. Imaginary separation is no longer felt.



Most believe enlightenment is about becoming a non human. But no one exists as a non self!
You exist only as an imaginary self in this passion play full of great sorrow and great joy.
This is not about discovering you are a something separate from thought and feeling,  Something unchanging...
It’s about discovering you are indeed nothing more or less than belief thought feeling....
a flowing thought dream...
A mental fabrication

The second part most seem to miss is that all things are made up
All this and that.
When the self is known and felt to be imaginary, it’s not that there is simply the tree tops blowing in the wind
Trees and wind, although referring to a physical world, are also made up
The story of all things and you is written from shared learned words by the brain.
Without your magnificent objectifying brain the physical world is unknowable.

It can occur that the brain no longer believes its own thought stream
The belief in separation falls away
Then there is no more feeling of separation

Many call this oneness or unicity or wholeness
But it has no name
There are no its.



all my life I longed to hear a song I had never heard
like longing for a memory of something I never experienced
longing for a taste that did not exist
yet feeling like I had a tongue that could taste it!
I feared this desire
it felt it was slicing my heart
and nothing could ever glue the pieces together
but now I know I am this longing
this broken hearted beauty
this longing
to touch you
to sing to you
knowing I never can
I know we are imaginary personas
masks that no one wears
I know that I do not exist without you
and I love you for that


No one lives in this suit of skin and bones
No one lives inside this broken heart
This intense feeling of aloneness is you
You can never touch another
Or get inside an imaginary other
You are this longing to touch
What makes this aloneness and this longing sublime?
Knowing and feeling that all separation is imaginary.



rolling through infinite color
the spectrum of time and place
meets at both ends

whats left when the dancing stops
and rainbows are simply echoes of sky
which green do you take out of the crayon box
to scribble over your face
when you know you can no longer hide?

on the other side of the mirror
death watches
mimics the movement of your hands
as you try to wipe the mirror clean

Without you
I am not


wisteria unwinds
through the breath of old lovers
new lovers sing
I hold the song of spring
in my mouth
taste the flowers
falling
colors swirl into my tears

love has no words
it is every word
collapsing into itself
it leaves not a breath
to hold
or release

seeing itself
feeling itself
tasting itself
through my eyes
my skin
my tongue

this voice that is all voices
this tongue that is all tongues
these eyes that are all eyes
weep the sorrow of aloneness
and we are its echo

the imaginary veil became transparent
I get to feel it all deeply
awe fills the tender hollows in this song
and saturates the pain

life never happened to a someone
as she wandered the garden
looking for signs of spring
she does not wait for tomorrow
death has unfurled its wings
love's kiss
swallowed her


love is an unfathomable wound that no one would want to heal



a lone traveller walks the empty horizon
there is no place left to hide
from her aloneness

wind tugs the loose ends of her hair
un-weaving the threads
of time and place and number
her flying carpet dissolves into sky
it was only a dream that there was somewhere to go
colors and shapes seem to form and dissolve
there was never any solidity
she weeps in the cathedral of sun and moon
and deep deep greens
all is lost and no thing can be found
love unwinds her shadow
watercolor dream scape melts into itself

she soars through edgeless seas
water slides through its own wetness
how the sun shines just so
from below and above and in between
from within, from without, there are no lines
all direction has been lost

white sea bird lands on forgotten drifting flowers
she no longer longs to be free
it has all become freedom
there are no things to be bound



awakening is not logical it is not a belief or understanding or philosophy.... it cannot be learned or taught or given away... I can try to explain no thing ness... and I will put a link here... but the closest the intellect can get is interconnectedness... as thing less ness is utterly unthinkable...

yet... you know this somewhere deeply, and the urge to remember it is the seeking... but as it is already the case it cannot be made anew and cannot be remembered... or forgotten...

for many the dissonance of the intuited knowing that there are no things and the belief in separation (which you are) is exceedingly painful, and like many seekers they look to people or teachers who say that they know this and can give it to you or teach it... they will say things like be still etc. but all these instructions will only perpetuate the painful illusion of a separate you with personal volition.
there are some who seem to have seen through the illusion of self, but seeing through the belief in all separation is quite rare... it is a profound shift in perspective that occurs in the brain and is not something that happens to you as you are an imaginary character

that is why a sage will use ambiguous words and phrases, to catapult the seekers mind outside of the usual grooves of assumed knowing


words unclothe themselves
reveal a nakedness
whose paint has not dried
the body longs for food
but the emotional hunger dried up
years and years ago
the empty thirst for freedom
and fullfillment
retired
when the vessel began to overflow
with a love light
that came from nowhere
and everywhere
there were no where's to be found
only a choice-less murmuring
ahhhhhhhhh yes
how beautiful this love

butterfly iridescence ripples through liquid light
and drinks me as I drink deeply
I am intoxicated with knowing that life does itself
and has no separate parts
no morning, noon, and evening
no night that does not permeate the day
dark and light simply words
like you and me and love


do night time dreams
slumber throughout the day?



holding the words in my mouth
like a small ripe plum
tart and sweet explode
but it is all sweetness
this ripeness of life
this taste of taste
that requires an imaginary membrane
between inside and out
closer than the tongue in your mouth
is this knowing
of this sublime emptiness
you wish to grasp

nakedly love peers into your eyes
and asks you to dance
what is she staring at?
there is nothing there

dreaming of plum blossoms
a naked tree



loves coloring book
painted the sky
so vast
it ripped space and time apart
and plummeted into my chest
seared my feet
like lightening
poured its brilliance into the ground
exploded the very core of earth
and evaporated all ideas of solidity.
where were my feet walking
when she called my name?
I heard only my echo drifting
across the evening sands

The thought stream continues but there is no one separate from it to believe it, or to try to accept it or reject it, or manipulate it in any way.

clouds on fire

burnt the sky

space fell apart

into a million pieces of gold

my head exploded

my heart dissolved

time unleashed itself

and ran into the sunset 

I could not chase it

as I had no feet

there was no path

to the edge of unknowing

but it swallowed me anyway

swallowed the earth and sky

and drank vast limitless seas

it was loves empty breath

that sang the world into being again

and found me wandering the beaches

weeping

not here not there

I am memories of cloud shadows

racing across the dunes