and the beach-less nights so beautiful
wrapped in the waters of warm summer dreamsthe other side of moonlight
is not darkness
there are no sides in this embrace
looking for the face god
a source to the springs
a mover of the waters
a weeper of these tears
and yet there is nothing under the surface
shimmering reflections cannot be grasped
the depths cannot be fathomed
infinite just another thought
that leaves
you
hanging
looking for another hand hold
like purpose
or a ground of being...
and as that collapses
then another...
then another....
god dissolves
water another meaningless word
what is wetness?
why do these tears taste so sweet?
all words reference other words
all thought is circular
weaving this fantastical dream scape of moon and mountains
and memory swirling down the sidewalk
pooling in the shadows where the night lies still
waiting
to gather love
into an explosion of light
and color
and taste
and somehow without knowing or caring why or how or when...
morning appears
and we find ourselves
dancing
without freedom or bondage
no longer longing to be free
bathed in love's edgeless embrace
listening to the shadow of moon
thought seems to create all things like you, but it also creates a thing called thought.
there is no one or that who 'is' thought.
there are no things underneath thought.
this apparent world of separate things and events
this thought dream
is often called a dream
seemingly real-er than the night time dream because of repetition
but real is just another thought
love opens her heart and you appear
bathed in bird song and the silence of moon
swallowed in songs of summers lost
and words of forever that haunt you with a lonliness that weaves itself into every melody
low howl of wintering winds
you watch your shadow chasing sunlight
and can no longer fathom why you longed to capture wind
you lie in a meadow of transparent wonder
forgetting that words had meaning
or that things had substance
or that time was
or wasn't
no longer caring that you are dreamt
a passerby stops to say hello
you want to say I love you
but you smile
sunflowers blooming
in your eyes
wind blowing through the evergreens
petals of starlight
falling
there is no reason nor non reason to sing
certainly the sun does not choose to rise
no reason nor non reason why tears
rain hits the windows and leaves her footprints
sliding
wet into wet
dove disappears into her own flight
there is no treasure to find when it is all treasure
even the looking for rainbows when there is darkness all around
is pure magic
simply this ungraspable immediacy
of what we cannot know
as we are this dance of aliveness
that has no dancefloor
a movie without a screen
or projector
the colors were never contained in that rainbow
they are with you now
as is the sweetness of discovery
that recognition
that this is a real as it gets
whatever it seems to look and feel like
there is no other better more or next
infinite
intimate
beyond measure
you have drowned in your own aliveness
yet there is breathing
and dancing
and loving
madly
this is like watching a foreign movie that you happen to be in, all becomes meaningless, even ideas like meaning have no weight...
all is edgeless liquidity, the language is hauntingly beautiful, love and sorrow and joy and passion are simply magnificent colors streaming through you as you are transparent....
the world is a shoreless floating ocean, less substantial than thought....
there is no one to take the dream personally or impersonally
the mirror I was trying to peer through broke into infinite pieces
every shard pierced my heart
for awhile every one reflected my face until they all dissolved into liquid light
the light consumed all darkness
and all light
thought and feeling and mountains and vast endless sky stream
through me as me
a lsensous dreamscape traversed by no one
beheld by no one
people stop and say hello
how are you
and I have no idea
there are no separate feelings, nor anyone separate feeling them
no one to allow them or reject them
it feels like love has saturated the dream
this enchantment has an ungraspable flavor
that is always tasted
it slid into my mouth
dissolved on my tongue
melted my heart
into this elusive dance
love streams into and through itself
unfettered aliveness
sings
we are stars shimmering
dancing in our own luminescence
we cannot know light
we are love's imaginary boundaries
how magical this unknowing
this edgless brilliance
we feel the dark encroaching
candle in the wind
in the listening there may appear a feeling like the singer is singing just to them, its all about their song their story their longing for what the singer seems to be singing about...
most listeners put my words into litttle boxes of the already known.... sometimes my words skip thought out of the grooves of knowing and an unknown yet familiar melody enchants... and perhaps it is glimpsed that they are the enchantment.
there is no one to be this flowing dreamscape that seems to appear and dissolve simultaneously.... and yet there appears to be an imaginary reference point.... as there seems to be aware-ing of this liquid ballet of light and color, inseparable from it.... without this imaginary divide, there is no awareness of aliveness, no awareness of awareness, and within this imaginary split there seems to arise a self.... although no self can be found, and no others.... but somehow the objecifying brain creates selves and others and mountains and skies and dogs and rabbits and a chase of time.... the learned languaging seems to lasso a bit of the seamlessness and create a solid world... awakening is the always on knowing feeling of this edgeless seamless infinite spacious expanse and the knowing feeling that all things are mental fabrications.... and by using the terms 'brain' and 'beliefs' we can tell this story of truth being simply another imaginary thing.
during the year before the shift I noticed that there was more and more and more utter relaxation. I wondered when this was all over if I would still suck in my stomach as I had been taught to do so when I was seven.
and as this was happening it seemed that emptiness was the goal so to speak
but at the end, suspended as emptiness, there is not even nothing, and it is certainly nothing to write home about...
it is only when the fullness rushes or in some cases trickles back in is there this amazing wondrousness of living as emptiness and fullness... between love and nothing at all
and yes, the self remains along with many of its old habits including sucking in the stomach.
echoes,,,,
of echoes>>>>>>
dancing in each others reflections
we are life's music listening to itself
waves crashing on the beach
drunk on their own aliveness
mirrors disolving into reflections
songs melting into echoes
floating
melodies
without space or time
how long I waited for magic
searching bottomless oceans
and infinite skies
trudging down long dusty roads
leading every where
heading no where
spinning spinning spinning
stars shooting out from my fingertips
punctuating the night
pouring back through me
burning all ideas of light
treasure reveals itself
there is no curtain it hides behind
the magic is the ocean
and skies
and stars
and night
it is the very fabric of thought that paints rainbows
and my father
waiting
looking at a tree
what is a tree?
what is the flowing pattern of bark
elegant branches
reaching
or falling
its far too complex to capture in a book or poem
and all you have is words
flowing description
painting the dream of things
walking through clouds
the gaze of endless sea
the brain cannot make imaginary edges
there is utter rest
the same all encompasing ease exists always
it is simply not noticed
when the lines feel solid
and as you are the imaginary line
between an inside and out...
if the lines dissolve...
if the song slides into echoes
and the mirror dissolves into reflections
where are you?
and you stand on the edge of the known world and gaze into the unanswerable
your feet have taken you to a place where words have become meaningless
meaning has lost its meaning
the center has been removed from all things
and the edges are beginning to blur
and you reach into endless sky....
trying to hold onto space which is dissolving
grasping at things like emptiness
as it dissolves
and the very ground of being
gives way
and this delicious liquid dream tastes itself
you are the nectar of your own aloneness
yet you are not
and it feels sublime
to be and not be
anything
or nothing
it was simply an assumption
that you were
that mountains were
and that there was a special place to be
or a special way to be
it's all special
wondrous beyond measure
no longer looking to hold starlight
ahhhhhhhhh
how it sparkles in your eyes
and only in your the tender wetness of your eyes can I see my reflection
which has no source
other than in this very
touch
these windows
lose their frames
the glass
dissolves
into a liquid edgeless love
that has never been lost or found
remembered or forgotten
but sings
silently
roaring
dancing with its own echo
and all I can say
is 'I love you"
because I do
dove flies up from the frozen ground
her softness pushes the air aside
leaving whirlpools of space in her wake
river of thought fills in the blanks
and its all blank
wings soar through your mind stream
its movement is created by itself
there is no movement
or stillness
the dove's flight
leaves no trail
memory cannot be caught by itself
the day exhales
air fills with darkness
wind
sings
ache of moonless night
echoes across the desert
soars through your aloneness
erases your shadow
burns your light
these are reflections of the solitude of stars
as we are the shimmering song of starlight
heart is a deep cavern of soliftude
where echoes bloom
and fade
we are reflections of this parade of memory
dancing across the walls of silence
you can feel it deeply
this ache of your aloneness
there is a curtain of thought that separates us
a waterfall of words
painting rainbows in our eyes
we can feel each other's colors
we arise in each other's light
no one owns this love that breaks the barriers of sound
we are heart strings reverberating
in the absence of sound
light without darkness
dark without light
we are prisms of memory
shattering light into color
and silence into sound
this unspeakable aliveness
sings through our lips
we are the song of this wondrous aliveness
you can feel it in your bones
rushing through your veins
the thrum of your heartbeat
and the deep deep caverns of your heart
where memory pools and seeps back into your blood
so that you may touch
the universe
and bathe in your own delight
colors washed away by colors
love washed away by love
liquidity of life has no substance or form
It fills itself endlessly
and washes itself away
love is the wet in water without water
without edge
or center
or beginning
or end
there is no always
nor never
nor both
nor neither
filaments of emptiness
cloud embrace
hands
reaching for sky
hearts
searching for love
looking out
looking in
there is no space between
there is no space
there is no between
and doves swoop through the garden
rest on the tangling roses
survey the frozen ground
petals of memory
petals of wind
erased of color
and shape
and substance
not even nothing is left
yet love seems to sing
no one knows how
or where
or when
or why
there is no concern
nor anyone to have it
wind blows
petals of sunlight
scatter
in this passion play of words seemingly creating this and that
here and there
now and then
seeking and enlightenment
often a set of beliefs is simply exchanged for another.
and that is a belief.
nothing happens
everything happens
lol
what ever seems to appear is as real as it seems
it may feel real or unreal or surreal
or all of these at the same time
without time
or non time
nuthin can be said
everything is said
songs are the juiciness of the fruit
poems are the taste of this aliveness
dripping down my face
or are these tears
and you find yourself
utterly alone
and you realize you have always been
isolated
shut off from the light and love you longed for
as there is no outside
no where to go
no goal to reach
like a hard hit in the gut
your hands ...your heart is empty
all you have ever loved
were simply flowing mirages
dancing reflections
in this passion play streaming through the synapses
that dream you
electric life
fusion and fission
over tones and under tones
and no pure tone to be found
images of vibrations
that have no source
we were echoes dreaming of finally meeting the one true voice
that would perpetuate us forever
and ever
and ever
we were the longing to find magic
and we were the enchantment
time a daydream as real as the night dream
lingering words
fall off the cliff of sound
spash in the undergrowth
where shadows hide
waiting to be revealed
its simply a trick of light and shadow
lines drawn in mid air
take away the lines
take away the air...
breathless you spin
trying to find solidity
but there is none
there never was
there is no was
nor forever
there is no turning back now
the evisceration has begun
you cannot return to the illusion of solidity
it dawns
illusion is illusion
and in this dream of light and shadow
love seems to appear
but there never was a mountain
you know that
I was the longing for wings
practicing flying
lying in the grass
gazing through space
trying to find the sky and a freedom beyond words
tethered to an unspeakable emptiness
that could not be filled with tears
or dreams of forever bathing in sunlight
tips of my fingers
feathers
soaring through limitless space
leaving whirlpools of poetry in my wake
words
suspended
in the morning hush
light lace of clouds weaves a tracery of sunlight
flowing across the garden
waiting
still
for spring
and yet the birds are flying
sometimes they sing from the bushes
naked now
of roses
ideas of freedom vanish when there are no things to be free
no one to be bound
I never needed wings to fly
I soar as skinless sky
as air in air
space in space
wind in wind
it is the longing to be filled that creates an empty heart
the longing for freedom that paints imaginary shackles
on your wings
all dreams of other
or better
or next
are beautiful wings that will never remove you from where you are
and where are you?
when are you?
why are you?
questions and answers seem to fill in the blanks
but it's all blank
until you appear in the center of the dream
and all and everything seem to whirl around you
the universe of solidity seems to appear
seems is the key word
but its all words
whirlpools of poetry
suspended
in the morning hush
we seem to arise and dance in this worded dreamsong....
only in the languaging can we touch
this is where love and beauty sing....
this is our song, and it feels like a love song....
a melody that enters your heart when you are very small and never leaves...
you long to remember the words but you cannot as you are them...
your mouth your heart know the words that you can never know
they sing you
they sing me
they have no reference points no meaning outside of themselves
you long to dance to love's melody but you realize you have never left this dance as you are it and it is you
your hands your feet your heart know how to dance and swing
life appears to dance itself
yet there are no dancers and no dance to be found
no stage upon which this passion play dances
no audience or watcher of the dream
no one nor two, nor none
love's seamless embrace falling into and through itself
we are echos of each other swimming in the murmering stream that seems to soar through your head
a river of thought that has no banks
no spring from which it arose, nor ocean to flow into
we are reflections of a shimmering light ballet dancing between love and nothing at all
and it is marvelous beyond measure
and breathtakingly wondrous
that anything seems to appear at all
and love
well
that love seems to arise....
I love songs that have no meaning or non meaning
where the words twirl through your mind stream and leave the flavor of empty whirlpools, as you taste the beauty of
beauty
just missed...
and hear the sound of your own reflection as it dances across the wall of echoes that form the imaginary lines between ideas of who and what you are and who and what you are not...
songs that do not leave a footprint, but leave a feeling of sensuous lostness and a most delicious unknowing....
songs that lead you down a gangplank and emphasize the realization that there is no going back... or forward... and that there isn't any place to be at all
that there is no place
nor placeless-ness
songs that erase your footsteps and dissolve your feet
let you feel that this obvious aliveness is simply so
that there is nothing that can be done to intuit this
and no one to do anything or nothing
why starlight?
well certainly so we can see when there is no moon!
why thought?
obviously, so the unknowable symphany of perceptual input can be objectified into things so that we can appear in a world of separate things and events and imagine and prepare for a future so this species can survive and thrive...
or maybe
so we can love?
why are there whys?
what would you be without these questions?
thought seems to magically appear and there is no end or begiining of it
its really not a thing as it cannot be grasped
where is the one who would hold thought?
are there separate thoughts?
thought seems to arise and simultaneously dissolve
without time or lack of time
there seems to be a recogniton of thought
but no knower can be found
all feels like a magic show
performed by no one
for no one
when the why's disappear
and the when's....
and the who's....
there are no what's
not even a now
horses in the small enclosure
released
running up the canyon
one pinto mare stops
and turns
she seems to gaze at the old fences that held her for her entire life...
and she continues to playfully buck and snort and gallop into her own naturalness
her own freedom
and well
that's the last we saw of her
why do seekers hear there is no self and try to find that?
is our humanness terrrifying because we intuit that there is no controller of thought and feeling?
because we know that one day we and everyone we have known and loved will die and be forgotton?
is this why so many are afraid of truly loving
to the point where they will lose this love they know they cannot hold
yet feels like bursting?
and what if sobbing really could kill you....
and why are we drawn to and fear this vast emptiness that we feel inside yet spend a lifetime running away from these glimpses of our ultimate alone-ness
running from distraction to distraction
movies travel drinking sex
seeking enlightenment
moving from teacher to teacher
trying to find an escape from this beautiful humanness
and our shared great aloneness
and the emptiness we all feel
why do we fear this pressing unknowing
why do we constantly try to fill in the blanks
constantly reaching for handholds to prevent the falling
into certain death
is it because unknowing would leave you...
without hands to grasp...
and nothing to hold.... ?
you cannot stop life
you cannot hold it
you are not separate from this aliveness
this life that has no borders
you are not separate from love
you cannot hold it or give it or take it away
you know that
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